Lesson 16

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RETURN TO THE SYLLABUS

EPHESIANS 5:18-33
Lesson #16
DEVELOPING A GODLY MARITAL RELATIONSHIP

• Memory verse: Pro 31:10-11

• Read Ppro 31:10-31

• =I= A good marriage relationship is built on time spent together.
  • In spite of job and kids, you must arrange time alone together so that personal needs are met.
    • A man’s primary personal needs are:
      • Prestige
      • Sex
    • A woman’s primary personal needs are:
      • Security
      • Love
  • if you do not do this and your marriage survives, you will be two strangers living under the same roof, when the kids leave home.

• AN IMPORTANT SPIRITUAL TRUTH:
  • While God works through a spouses to meet the other’s needs, we are not to rely on our spouse to meet those needs.
  • God wants us to rely on Him for what we need.
• The 4 most important desires a woman has for her husband.

• -1- A man who is kind and considerate.
• -2- A man who is romantic and affectionate.
  • Do not confuse romance with sex. Women need romance as much as a man needs sex.
  • How to express romance:
    • Hold her every day.
    • Touch her affectionately.
    • Speak softly to her.
    • Speak praises to her.
    • Tell her daily that you love her.
    • Talk to her.
    • Help her with her tasks.
    • Use good manners with her.
    • Remember days that are important to her. (birthdays, anniversaries, mother’s day, christmas, etc.)
    • Give her small gifts when it is no special day.
    • Leave love notes for her.
    • Mmake surprise dates with her.
    • Be quick to say, “i’m sorry.”
    • Don’t let her be stranded socially.
    • Avoid negative nicknames.
    • Ddon’t let bill collectors hassle her.

• -3- Be a good father for the children.
• -4- Be a good provider. (1 Ttim 5:8)

• The 4 most important desires a man has for his wife:
  • -1- He desires a comfortable home with a pleasant atmosphere for raising his children.
  • -2- He desires a woman who will adapt herself to his lifestyle—submission.
  • -3- He wants a woman who honors, respects, and encourages her husband.
  • -4- He wants a woman who takes care of herself physically and is sexually available to him.

• =2= A good marriage relationship is built on good communication.

• The wife is told by God to lead her husband to obedience in Christ “without a word” by a meek and quiet spirit. (1Pet 3:1)
• That verse implies 3 things:
  • -1- A wife must never nag her husband. (Pro 19:13)
    • Generally this does not come naturally with women.
    • They have to work at it.
  • -2- It is the husband’s responsibility to open and maintain adequate conversation and communication with his wife.
    • Generally this does not come naturally with men.
    • They have to work at it.
      • =a= This is the only way a wife can know her husband’s goals and desires so she can adapt herself in submission to them.

• =b= This is the only way a husband can get to know his wife so as to better express his love to her.

• Why did God give these specific responsibilities to women and men if it is not easy for them?
  • AN IMPORTANT SPIRITUAL TRUTH:
  • Areas of weakness drive a person to rely on God for strength.

• -3- God will put pressure on husbands when their wives pray.
  • The expression of feelings:
  • Usually in marriage we either “stuff”our feelings inside and never express them to our spouse, or we “dump” all our feelings on our spouse without regard to the consequences that may result.
  • AN IMPORTANT SPIRITUAL TRUTH:
  • God would prefer us to bring our feelings to Him so that He can guide us in what and when to share these things with our spouse.

• Women often have greater intuition than men do and are usually spiritually more perceptive.
  • -1- This is why “wisdom” in the book of Proverbs is personified as a woman.
  • -2- This is why most churches and Bible studies have more women than men in attendance.
  • -3- However, generally speaking, women are more easily deceived than men.
    • Eve is the example.
    • This is why husbands were given authority over wives in the book of Genesis to protect them from deception.
  • -4- Women are better at reading nonverbal communication.

• =3= A good marriage relationship is built on good problem-solving skills.
  • Solve problems together allowing both husband and wife to express ideas.
    • -1- Define the problem verbally.
    • -2- Discuss ways of solving the problem.
    • -3- Decide together on the best plan.
      • If there is disagreement, then the wife submits to her husband’s decision.
      • Wives need to give husbands room to fail.
    • -4- Both of them commit to follow the plan.

• =4= A good marriage relationship is built on the husband’s role as high priest in the home. (1Pet 2:9)
  • -1- The high priest was supposed to bring God to the people.
    • The husband has the responsibility in the family to be a model to his children of what God is like.

• -2- The high priest was supposed to bring the people to God.
  • The husband has the responsibility to model the Christian life.
  • That means to take his family to church and to pray with his family.
• -3- The high priest stood in the place of the people.
  • The husband is to stand in his wife’s place.
  • In other words, to understand her and see things from her perspective.

• Read Pro 31:10-31
  • The woman in Proverbs 31 does not depict a godly woman at one point in time.
  • Instead it is a summary of a godly woman’s whole life from the time she got married to the end of her life.
  • List the things that the woman does correctly.

• =1. She makes her decisions based on what is good for her husband. (12)
• =2. She uses her skills to provide adequate clothing.(13)
• =3. She shops for food intelligently. (14)
• =4.She gets up early enough to see that her family is fed. (15)
• =5. She makes wise decisions by using her resources to expand the family income. (16)
• =6. She keeps herself physically fit. (17)
• =7. She is a diligent worker. (18)
• =8. She uses her talents for the good of her family. (19)
• =9. She doesn’t forget to meet the needs of the poor. (20)
• =10.She takes care of the health needs of her family. (21)
• =11.She makes sure her house is well taken care of. (22)
• =12.She keeps herself looking nice. (22)
• =13.Everything she does makes her husband look good in public. (23)
• =14.She may work but the purpose is to provide for her family. (24)
• =15. She is spiritually strong and honorable. (25)
• =16. She is careful how she speaks. (26)
• =17. Her priority is the condition of her household. (27)
• =18. She is not lazy. (27)
• =19.She fears the Lord. (30)

• List the things that her husband does correctly.

• =1.He trusts his wife to use their resources well. (11)
• =2. He makes sure that their children respect her. (28)
• =3. He praises her for who she is and for all she does privately (28) and publicly (31).

• The practical nature of authority and submission:
  • If we are to submit one to another, then there are times when, practically speaking, a wise husband will choose to submit to his wife:
    • =1. When the husband recognizes that the wife has more information regarding a matter.
    • =2. When the husband recognizes that the wife is the greater expert in an area. (for example in finances).
  • Notice that the husband makes the decision to submit to his wife in these times. A wise husband will do that for the good of the family.

HOMEWORK
EPH 5:22-33 — CHRIST AND THE CHURCH
This is a self-study. Please do not send homework answers to the teacher forcorrection.

• Application of Eph 5:22-33 — Developing a godly marital relationship
  • With your husband or wife, talk about ways to improve your marriage relationship. Write them here.

• Pray together each committing to work on the suggestions above.

• Preparations for Eph 5:18-33 — Christ and the Church
  • Read Eph 5:18-33
    • Write down the responsibilities of the church.

• Write down the responsibilities of Christ.

• Memory verse: Eph 5:27