Lesson 15

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RETURN TO THE SYLLABUS

EPHESIANS 5:18-33 — continued
Lesson #15
THE HUSBAND’S ROLE

• Memory verse: Eph 5:25
• Read Eph 5:18-33 The Husband’s Role in the Home
  • (material from “Marriage Plus” Seminar by Ray Mossholder and “Basic Youth Conflicts” by Bill Gothard)
  • =1=. A husband is to lead his wife (23)
    • When a husband does not supply leadership, women take the leadership because women are concerned about the welfare of the family.
    • Leadership must be done in love.
      • If a man demands submission, a woman will not give it willingly. Therefore love must first come from the man.
      • Women are responders and will respond to love by willingly submitting.
        • The authority of leadership is not a right to be demanded, but it is a divine responsibility to be fulfilled.
        • There are 3 primary requirements of a spiritual leader:
          • -1- A provider (1Tim 5:8)
          • -2- A loving leader (1Tim 3:1-5)
          • -3- A protector (1Pet 3:7)

• Leadership involves every area of life:
  • Spiritual leadership:
    • The husband is responsible for setting the spiritual priorities in the home regarding the family’s relationship to church and to God. (Jos 24:15)

• Many men fail in this responsibility and leave spiritual decisions to women.

• Financial leadership:
  • The husband is responsible for setting financial goals and spending habits for the family.
  • His decisions should be tempered by self sacrifice.
• Social leadership:
  • The husband is responsible for establishing moral standards and priorities for the family.
  • He does this by being the example.

• The role relationship of leadership:
  • God, the Father, is the authority over God, the Son, who is the authority over the husband, who is the authority over the wife, who with his direction is the joint authority over the children.
  • The Holy Spirit cements all of these relationships together.
    • Notice that even though a husband is in leadership over a wife, she is in no way unequal to him.
    • Jesus Christ is in subjection under God, the Father, but He is in every way equal to God.
• The requirement for a husband to lead his wife:
  • The husband needs an understanding of the difference between authority and power.
    • Authority = permission. If you have a driver’s license you have the authority (permission) to drive a car.
    • Power = the unrestricted ability to carry the authority through. If you have a car and know how to drive it, you have the power to fulfill your authority to drive it.
  • Men have God’s authority to lead their wives, but they need God’s power to fulfill the responsibility.
    • He needs to understand his wife as a person.
    • Most men say you can never understand a woman.
      • Read 1Pe 3:7
      • To dwell with a woman according to knowledge means you need to know her personality. If you value her, you will get to know her.
        • Her desires, her weaknesses, her goals, the things that please her.
        • Most women are very verbal and will tell you in many ways what little things please them. Men only have to listen and sacrifice a little pride to do them in order to demonstrate love.

• =2=. A husband is to provide for and protect his wife (23)
  • The level of protection should be spiritual, physical, and social.
    • Spiritual protection= concern for her spiritual maturity.
      • For example:
      • Praying for her and encouraging Bible study (26), etc.
    • Physical = concern and decisions with respect for her physical welfare
      • For example:
      • The condition of the car that she drives, the time of day she is out on the street, etc.
    • Social = concern for her vulnerability in public.
      • For example:
      • If she is shy or doesn’t speak English well, social groups can be threatening to her.
  • It is the husband’s responsibility to provide for his family.
    • This is part of his role as a protector. It is financial protection.
    • The decision as to what is adequate provision should be a joint discussion between husband and wife.
      • Adequate provision in today’s world is often difficult on one salary.
      • The Bible does not forbid a woman to work outside the home.
      • In fact the woman in Pro 31:16,24 did work outside the home.
        • However, the description of the Proverbs 31 woman is not a description of her life on one specific day.
        • Instead, it is a description of her whole life.
          • Life occurs in cycles.
          • At times during her life she will be home caring for small children who need her presence.
          • At other times in her life, the children do not need her constant presence at home and she is out working in the market place.
  • However, God holds the husband responsible for these and other financial decisions.
• =3= A husband is to love his wife (25,28,33)
  • Notice the command is given 3 times. Why?
    • Perhaps it is because men frequently fail to communicate their love.
    • Most of the discontent in marriage is by women who don’t feel loved.
  • Next to Christ she is to be the husband’s first love.
    • What does that mean?
    • It means that the husband is to sacrifice other things he might desire to do or to buy in order to put her first.
      • The kind of love mentioned here is “agape” love.
      • This is the unconditional love of 1Cor 13:
        • Love is patient
        • Love is kind
        • Love is never jealous
        • Love is never envious
        • Love is never boastful
        • Love is never proud
        • Love is never selfish or rude
        • Love does not demand its own way
        • Love is not irritable
        • Love does not hold grudges or notice when a wrong is done
        • Love is never glad about injustice but rejoices in truth.
        • Love always believes and expects the best.
        • Love always stands firm to protect.
• =4= A husband is to sacrifice for his wife (25)
  • The purpose of his sacrifice is to make her a better person. (26) This means he must die to his own selfish desires.
  • The sacrifice of selfish desires is the best way a man can demonstrate his love for his wife.
    • Self sacrifice means giving up your male pride.
      • This is the most difficult thing for men to do.
      • That is why Christ insisted on it. But He did not only insist on it, He demonstrated it as an example to men. (25)
    • We talked about how a wife is a mirror to her husband.
      • Look at your wife and determine how good a Christian is she? How much has her character grown and developed in the last year?
      • When you look at her in this way, you will see how good a job you are doing as a husband.

HOMEWORK
EPHESIANS 5:18-33 — DEVELOPING A RELATIONSHIP
This is a self-study. Please do not send homework answers to the teacher forcorrection.

• Application of Eph 5:25
  • If you are a husband, grade yourself on how well you demonstrate your love for your wife.

• POOR    SUFFICIENT    BEST
• 1 2 3 4           5 6 7           8 9 10

• Sacrifice your pride and show your grade to your wife and discuss it. What are some ways you can improve?

• Preparation for Eph 5:18-33 Understanding and developing marital relationships
  • Read Pro 31:10-31
    • List the things that the woman does correctly.

• List the things that her husband does correctly.

• Memory verse: Pro 31:10-11